


Good Enough

by sharingthesky



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, It ends happy I promise, Jack is sad af, M/M, Panic Attacks, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:09:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8061247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharingthesky/pseuds/sharingthesky
Summary: Mark is perfect, and that's exactly the problem.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> Unfortunately, I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize for any mistakes in advance. Please point them out to me so I can fix them, thanks!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING  
> A panic/anxiety attack happens in this! Proceed with caution.

Jack didn’t know what to do. 

Him and Mark had been together for a few months now, and it was everything he could have dreamed of and more. 

Mark was perfect. He would skype Jack late at night and wear that perfect smile of his, like he didn’t mind - was even happy to - talk to Jack in the middle of the night, trying to combat the time difference. He’d text him a good morning message almost every day. And when they saw each other, he would give Sean the most perfect kisses and make him laugh like no other. 

Mark was perfect. 

But that’s the problem. 

See, Jack didn’t think he was good enough for Mark. Even though many would argue, Jack thought very little of himself. He thought his voice was annoying, he swore too much, he was too thin, and too stupid and he didn’t see himself to be worthy of someone as beautiful as Mark.

He didn’t want to hold Mark back. 

Mark was destined for greatness, and Jack felt like he was dragging him down. He tried his hardest to be the best he could be so he wouldn’t be a hinderance, but he still wasn’t enough. It was time to let Mark go. To let him be the outstanding person he is without the stone that is Jack being a weight on his shoulders, a distraction from his goals. 

But Jack was scared. 

He was so, so scared to let Mark go. Maybe he was in love, he didn’t know, but a selfish part in him just wanted to stick to the other man and never leave his side. He didn’t want to let Mark go, because being with him makes him happier than he has been for a long while. 

Jack really, truly did not know what to do. 

“Hey, Jackaboy, you alive over there?” 

Jack snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Marks voice, eyes focusing on him on the other side of the table. He looked so beautiful in the evening light.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, sorry. Totally zoned out there.” 

He twirled his fork in the pasta Mark had made for them. 

He’s so kind, and such a good cook. 

Jack doesn’t deserve him. 

“What’s on your mind? You looked kind of sad,” Mark inquired, eyes full of worry.

Fuck, now he’d made Mark worry. His brown eyes were searching Jack’s face for signs of discomfort, and he had to put a lot of effort in trying not to squirm under that intense stare.

He cares so much about others. 

Jack needs to let him go. 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry. I guess my face just looks sad when I visit my inner Narnia,” Jack let out a laugh, and he hoped it didn’t sound as fake as it felt. He’s become quite good at faking happines in the past few years.

Mark deserves better than a lying boyfriend.

“Well, I’m glad you came out of the closet before the food got cold,” Mark said, his smile seeming to brighten up the whole room. He was so proud of that stupid joke, and Jack couldn’t help but let out a real giggle at that.

“You’re so dumb,” Jack said, true mirth lacing his voice. Mark always seemed to bring that out of him.

He’ll be so sad when he finally lets Mark go.

***

Jack lay awake late at night, watching Mark as he slept peacefully. He was so beautiful like this, completely calm with soft moonlight cascading onto him. Then again, Mark was always beautiful. In the middle of the day with a bright smile on his face, in the morning, when he has just woken up and can hardly keep his eyes open. When he smiles softly as the first stars appear in the night sky. Mark is so utterly, amazingly beautiful.

Jack ran his hand through his soft red hair to calm himself, smiling slightly as Mark made a small sound and nuzzled into the pillow.

Jack really did not deserve him.

His breathing began to quicken and he could feel the pressure of tears behind his eyes.

He needed to get away.

He climbed out of bed as quietly as he could in his panicked state, and headed towards the kitchen. It was so hard to breathe.

He got himself a glass of water, cursing softly as the cabinet door slammed shut and the sound seemed to echo throughout the quiet house. He can’t wake Mark up, no, no, no…

He had to get outside. So, with Chica in tow, he slipped out the door and into the backyard, trying to breathe in the fresh night air. He was shaking, and no matter how much water he drank his mouth seemed to stay dry. He still couldn’t breathe. Was he dying?

Letting out a small sob, he fell to the ground and curled up, wrapping his alrms around his legs.

Too thin, too ugly.

How could Mark even stand to look at him?

He really was too nice for his own good.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, sobbing and trembling, trying his best to breathe. It could have been minutes, maybe hours. But eventually the door behind him slid open, revealing a very sleepy Markiplier.

“Jack?” he called out, obviously not yet realizing what state his boyfriend was currently in. It didn’t take him long to catch on though.

“Jack! Hey, what’s wrong?” he was at Jack’s side in record time, but afraid to touch him. He didn’t want to make things worse, didn’t want to make him feel caged in. It truly broke his heart to see his love like this, sobbing uncontrollably, eyes unfocused.

“Can you hear me? Please Jack, try to breathe with me. It’ll be ok.”

Jack did hear him. He’d woken Mark up, hadn’t he?

So stupid.

Before he knew it, he was whispering frantic apologies into the air, hoping Mark would forgive him for interrupting his sleep. Or was he yelling? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he w _as so sorry, so sorry, so sorry._ He didn’t deserve to breathe. Why did Mark want him to breathe?

“Babe, it’s ok, you don’t need to apologize, you’ve done nothing wrong. Please just try to breathe with me, ok? In and out,” Mark tried to desperately get through to Jack. He was so scared. He’d never seen the other man like this, he was usually so happy and carefree. Although, Mark had noticed the sadness behind Jack’s usual smiles lately but never brought it up in fear of… something. He didn’t even know anymore, but he was now regretting that decision.

“Why haven’t you just left me already?” the question hit him like a train in the face. Jack’s eyes finally focused on him, but his breathing was still laboured, voice broken.

It took Mark a few seconds to gather his thoughts.

“What? I… You don’t wanna be with me anymore? Is that it?” Mark’s tone was so shocked, so sad. Is that what this was all about? Was Jack apologizing because he was breaking up with him?

Jack saw the hurt and confusion written all over Mark’s face and instantly regretted his words. Did he really just make Mark doubt himself, make him believe he was anything less than perfect? He really was the worst.

“No, no, that’s not what I… fuck, I just don’t understand how you can stand being with _me_. I’m not good enough for you, I’m so so so sorry,” Jack had started sobbing again. Now Mark would definitely leave him. He didn’t have to pretend to like Jack anymore. He couldn’t stand to look at Mark any longer, so he buried his face into his hands, trying to make his sobs quieter. He didn’t want to annoy Mark any more than he already had.

Mark on the other hand was extremely confused, and devastated. Did Jack, his beautiful, amazingly funny and charismatic, perfect Jack really think this way about himself? Had Mark made him feel this way? The intense sorrow nearly broke him.

“Seán, please look at me,” Mark pleaded softly.

Shocked at hearing his real name being used, Jack lifted his head from his hands, bright blue eyes shining with tears and breathing uneven from crying. When he saw all the emotion, all the love in Mark’s eyes, his braing nearly short-circuited.

“You are better than anything I ever could’ve wanted or asked for. You make me so happy every day, and I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like I don’t care or-”

“No, Mark,” Jack interrupted.

“You’ve been perfect, this isn’t your fault. Please believe that. I just… God, you deserve the best of the best, and I’m not even close to being good enough for you. I can’t keep dragging you down, I can’t-” Jack let out a small sob, again, unable keep himself together.

Mark wrapped his arms around the beautiful Irishman, hoping, praying he would feel better.

“Seán, you are not dragging me down, ya hear me? You inspire me. Just seeing how dedicated and passionate you are towards the things you love makes me want to work harder, you do the opposite of dragging me down. You keep me motivated, you make me happier than anyone. Please believe me. I’m not leaving you, not unless you want me to.”

Jack pulled away from Mark’s chest, feeling guilty for getting snot and tears all over his shirt. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Are you serious? You don’t- you don’t think I’m useless?” he felt so pathetic, asking questions like this, but he had to be sure. It was hard for him to think that mark actually wanted him around.

Mark took Jack’s face gently in this hands, making them lock eyes.

“I have, and would never, ever think you are useless,” Mark whispered, but to them, they were the strongest, most sure words ever said.

Jack broke out into a small, real, happy and relieved smile.

“God, I’m such a mess, aren’t I?” he let out a laugh, sniffling wetly.

Mark moved a hand to the back of Jack’s neck, playing with the hair there, and he pressed his lips softly against the other’s. Jack sighed and leaned into Mark, anxiety and fear gone just for a while. A thought Mark has been entertaining for a while was bouncing around in his head, and finally, he was sure. This is what he wants, this is what the needs. So, looking into those beautiful blue eyes, he finally said the words.

 

“I love you.”

 

 

 

 

“I love you too.”

 

***

Their life wasn’t perfect.

Jack would often stay up all night, wallowing in his fears and anxieties. Some days he couldn’t talk, drink, or eat.

But Mark was patient. He would always be there for Jack, just like Jack would always be there for him. And eventually, it got better.

And so they lived.

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh. This is my first fic ever and I'm posting this at 5 AM??  
> Please comment what you thought, I'd love to hear your opinions.


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